Mind, Body and Soul Manifestations

I have recently begun attending Alanon meetings. For those of you who aren't familiar, this is the organization for families of alcoholics. It is a wonderful fellowship of people who support one another spiritually, emotionally, and anonymously. This organization has had a major impact on my outlook on life. I think that everyone could benefit from the program! The twelve steps of the program are something that I am still learning and figuring out, but Step Six was most recently discussed. It states "We're entirely ready to have God remove all those defects of character." This is a powerful thing. I know for a fact that I am not perfect, but to really sit down and think about my personal character defects and then give them over to God seems like a pretty daunting task. One defect that I know I possess is the lack of ability to accept the fact that I cannot control certain situations. We say the serenity prayer a lot and, as a teacher, I repeat it in my mind on a re...

So, I had a really good Saturday. I had breakfast with my Grandparents and my Aunt and Uncle, then I got the grass cut, and cleaned my car inside and out. I did my grocery shopping, my laundry, and got to start reading The Fault in Our Stars . However, I am having a little bit of a hard time now that I am sitting alone at 8:45pm with nothing to do but grading and/or house cleaning. Seeing everyone's pictures with their families on Facebook is making my heart ache a little. I had just hoped so much to have my own little family by now. While I am ridiculously happy for my friends, their husbands, and their beautiful kids, it is just so hard to have patience. I have so many thoughts running through my mind and it is hard to have a racing mind and a lot of time on your hands. I think I have gotten so used to being busy that when I sit alone quietly, I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to bug my friends or beg people to hang out with me. I don't want to be...

I've had a lot on my mind this week and I feel like I need to put it out to the universe. I recently lost a very good friend. She didn't die or move away or anything. It just came to a point where we needed to be out of one another's lives. This situation has caused me to do a lot of reflecting on myself. I'm a brooder. I always have been and probably always will be; however, I believe that with everything I've had going on the past few years, I have tried extremely hard to be positive and get on with my life. Sure, I have days that are horrible and days that are wonderful, but I think everyone goes through ups and downs. This friend that I lost said that "my negativity had been pushing her away for a while." This just made me think about the past few years and whether or not I have been negative. I certainly don't wake up in the morning and think "I'm going to be miserable today," but I do have mornings where it feels like the weight o...

I was just reading an article before I went to bed last night called "Happy at work." It is in Real Simple magazine. There were tips about making your job "more likeable" and "even fun." To be honest, I do have fun doing my job. I love working with kids and generally feel like I am making a positive impact in their lives; especially since starting the mentor program. However, there are so many things that I have absolutely no control over in my profession. There were a ton of tips about "how to get a fatter paycheck, a promotion, a more flexible schedule," etc., etc. These are all things that are completely out of my control. As a teacher, you are pretty much at the mercy of your union. I have stood up for myself and my colleagues by speaking at our hearings and attending budget meetings, but I feel utterly frustrated with the concept that all of us, effective or not, are lumped into the same general category. I so desperately want to be in contr...

I have been discussing with my Quest students this week how we have choices in controlling our emotions. We all have the ability to choose our reactions to external events. While I know that this is true, I just don't feel super in control of my emotions right now. Perhaps I am still stuck in adolescence when it comes to handling my feelings. I'm not sure why, but I have always been incredibly self-critical. It's an annoying trait that I wish I could fix. I remember being hard on myself even in Elementary School. As a teacher, we sometimes have to fill out surveys on our students with IEPs or 504 plans. One question that always reminds me of myself is "cannot get a scolding out of his or her mind."I feel like I'm a dweller. When I make a mistake or take action on something and it doesn't go the way I had hoped, I over-analyze and dwell on that thing until it drives me crazy. I am working on trying to let things go a little more, but it seems tough right ...

This may seem silly, but I watched an episode of "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" this evening that just struck a chord with me. Seeing Khloe go through filing for a divorce because of Lamar's choice to stick with his addiction over her was very hard to watch, but I could definitely relate. It is so incredibly hard to put all of your effort into one person and one relationship for such a long period of time only to have it fall apart. Sometimes, no matter how much you want something to work, it just isn't in the cards. Her Mom said that she needed to focus on herself and "get happy again." I feel like that is what I've been working on for the past 6 months or so. Last year, I was in such a dark place financially and in my job. I thought I had an amazing relationship, but when that fell apart too I thought that I would just break. I felt like I was giving and giving and giving and nothing was coming back in return. However, I think I am starting to recov...

My mind has been racing all day and I was just watching "World News" with Diane Sawyer. This episode sparked my desire to write about addiction. There has been a ton of coverage about Philip Seymour Hoffman's overdose. There was a story on this news program about the heroin epidemic in our country. Apparently there are over 600,000 people addicted to heroin. This is sad and troubling. I have been personally affected by another type of addiction: alcoholism. I always thought that if someone I knew and loved had an addiction that I would be able to tell and that I'd be able to help them. That simply isn't the case. I can tell you for a fact that there are millions of "functioning" addicts in our midst and they are truly struggling internally. It's easy to judge someone with an addiction when you've never experienced it first-hand. I have never been addicted to anything myself and I don't have a great understanding as to how people become addict...