Mind, Body and Soul Manifestations

I am still struggling with whether or not to post this, but I am having a hard time and I feel like I need to share. (Some may say over share, but whatever.) It seems that no matter how hard I try, I cannot escape the baby issue. I think perhaps I need to take a Facebook break...I tried to stay off of it for a while and read a magazine. While reading about skin and hair care, pregnancy came up again and again. "In your thirties, whether you've recently been pregnant or are thinking about expanding your family, you will most likely lose some hair." Thanks for bringing me back to the thoughts I was trying to escape In Style! I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling or how to react when others share their good news. This is causing me ridiculous anxiety and guilt. There have been a TON of pregnancy reveals on Facebook lately from my friends and family. I will, selfishly, admit that this is killing me. Every time I see a new one, it feels like a punch in the g...

I hesitated to write this and publish it; however, I started it the other day and saved it (just in case)...and, after editing it again, I feel like it's important to share where I'm at emotionally. This way, just in case someone else is feeling this way too (or struggling in a different way), perhaps it will help them feel less alone. This week, approximately 8 of my Facebook friends announced their pregnancies. (Obviously it was a slow winter/spring!) After my miscarriage this year, I have tried hard to keep things in perspective. However, sometimes I just need to let myself feel sad or angry or frustrated. I'm noticing that the more I keep it in, the harder it is to be accepting of the happy news that my friends share with me. First of all, I miss my friends terribly. It's hard to grow up and not be close to everyone (physically at least). I am longing for the college days when I got to see my friends every day, or at least every week in the summer, and we could ha...

I have had so much on my mind the past two weeks and it has been a while since I wrote anything down. This entry may be a bit all over the place, but that's sort of how my brain feels at the moment. Today is one of those bittersweet days. My heart is feeling a bit heavy because I am seeing so much baby news on Facebook and in my daily life. On one hand, I am incredibly happy for my friends, family, and strangers with growing bellies and expanding families, but on the other hand, my heart is just aching that I'm not in that club yet. I am trying really hard not to dwell on it and keep myself occupied. On Mother's Day, a good friend at church said to me, "Happy Mother's Day Sarah. You are like a Mom to all of our kids." I don't think she realized how much that meant to me. The sermon at church last week really hit home (it was all about how being a Mom didn't necessarily mean biologically and how motherhood is such a diverse topic for so many people)...

I realize that I'm not always posting about the happiest things. That has a lot to do with the way that I work through things in my life. I do better putting (issues) things out into the world and working through them with others. With that being said, I just wanted to devote this post to my blessings...mainly my husband. The past few years have brought a lot of challenges, but I am incredibly happy to have Ben by my side to deal with them. This time last year, I wasn't sure where we would be. I am so proud of him for staying sober and working on healing himself so that we could further our relationship. Although we just lost a baby, I am thankful that we now have more time to just be married and be in love. Recently, we were able to get away for a few days to NC for Spring Break and it was awesome. Sometimes I forget to slow down and enjoy my life. Reality always slaps you in the face after vacation, but it is amazing to be with the one you love and just appreciate each othe...

These past few days have felt a bit like a dream. Everyone kept telling me that things would be a bit difficult after my D&C, but I kept trying to reassure myself that I would be fine. Truth is, it's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I feel okay for most of the day, but every now and then I just feel like crying. I'm sure it is because my hormones are a bit wacko right now, but that does not make it much easier. Lots of people are advising me to take this week off, but i feel like the more I sit home and think, the tougher it is. I need some routine back in my world. I have been trying so hard to stay positive and think forward and try to be optimistic. I'm just struggling with it. I am very happy that Spring break is coming up and Ben and I will be able to go to North Carolina for a few days and escape. Anyway, I don't want to be Debbie Downer. I'm just trying to work through all of this. Thanks again for taking the time out to read this.

Well, I'm sure that most of you have seen my Facebook updates about my ordeal yesterday, but I figured I would share a little more information about it. It was a pretty scary, but I feel blessed to have had extremely attentive nurses and an incredibly supportive family there to help me out. I've had mixed emotions about this whole situation for the past week and I'm still feeling pretty confused and up and down about it, but I'm the most puzzled about why stuff like this keeps happening...Anyway, I digress... I got up early yesterday thinking that I would feel like I had some closure after all was said and done. It seemed that a D&C was a pretty routine thing and I would just be in and out. Well, that was not the case. I ended up losing a whole lot of blood during the procedure which caused my blood pressure and my red blood cell count to plummet. They made the decision to give me a blood transfusion. I was starting to feel better after my first unit and my leve...

This song has been on repeat in my head for the past few days. It's not exactly the same context, but I think the message is good. For those of you who didn't read my last blog, I am dealing with a blighted ovum and a miscarriage. You can read the previous post for more info. I had my appointment today to decide what my next steps were going to be. The appointment was tough because I had to wait about an hour to see the Dr. because he was delivering a baby and I sat in the waiting room watching all of these ladies with growing bellies pass through. It was hard, but I feel like God has answered my prayers for acceptance. The serenity prayer has been constantly going through my mind since last Wednesday. Although the past few days have been difficult, I have felt so overwhelmed, humbled, and comforted by all of the responses I got after posting my initial blog about everything. To those of you who shared your personal stories with me about miscarrying, still birth, and the oth...