Mind, Body and Soul Manifestations

As this is the season of Thanks, I am trying incredibly hard to focus on all of the blessings that I have in my life right now. It's been a tough week. I was fortunate enough to be able to take my Mom with me to NC last weekend for my grandparent-in-law's 60th wedding anniversary party. My husband got stuck working, so she filled in for him that way I didn't have to go alone. I am so thankful that she did. It was a beautiful party and it was so nice to spend time with my in-laws. They really are fabulous. I feel like I belong which is always nice. The only tough thing was that they had a christening for their first great-grandchild at the party. It was beautiful, but very tough for me. Initially, I didn't think I would be bothered...I mean, I am happy that Ben's cousin has been able to expand his family, I had just hoped that Ben and I would have our first child this year too. It hit me a lot harder than I thought. I held it together, but I didn't want to get cl...

I had been lying in bed for an hour or so just staring at the red light on my TV. I have a lot of thoughts rolling around in my brain and I felt like I needed to write some of them down. I feel so troubled by everything that has occurred in our world over the past few weeks/months. I hate that the new topic of conversation among my students is a threat from a terrorist group on Washington D.C. I have been trying to assure them that our world is sort of like Men In Black right now. "There is always going to be some Arquillian Battle Cruiser, or Corillian Death Ray, or an intergalactic plague that's about to wipe out all life on this miserable little planet, and the only way these people can get on with their happy lives is that they do not know about it!" (Agent K) I want them to be able to live their lives without worrying about those threats. That quote has resonated with me...as cheesy as it may sound. As soon as we hear news that someone has officially threatened our...

I am feeling much more like myself (I think I can say that-it's like Sarah 2.0) this week.  I met with my Dr. a week and a half ago and in the midst of balling my eyes out and trying to convey to her how I was feeling, she calmly told me that it is not my fault that I'm feeling so overwhelmed and stressed. Those of us who truly suffer from anxiety and depression cannot prevent those feelings rationally on our own. There is a chemical imbalance and I shouldn't feel bad about it. (Thank God for her!) We decided that my best course of action (regardless of trying to get pregnant) was to get back on some medicine. I can already feel a difference in my stress and energy levels. I hate admitting that I'm not strong enough to get through life without a bit of help from a pill, but it's the truth...and if it makes me feel more motivated and less out of control then I am going to have to accept it. The baby business is still in the back of my mind, but I don't feel lik...

I have been struggling this weekend. I haven't gotten more than 6 hours of sleep any night this week and I know stress is the culprit. I finally felt able to relax last night, but as soon as I woke up this morning I felt like I was on the verge of tears again. I realize that my last post was about choosing to be happy and choosing to leave stress at work; however, my body just keeps betraying me. **Just a heads up that some of this may be TMI.** My mind has been trying to calm the rest of me, but it isn't working. I am really having a hard time this month about baby stuff. Not only did all of my ovulation tests come up negative this month, I am now not getting a period at all. This is NOT helping with my choice to try not to be stressed out. I am grinding my teeth, biting holes in my cheeks, getting frequent stomach aches, headaches, and generally feeling worn down. I feel like I may cry at the drop of a hat on a regular basis and I have been trying to make myself work out to...

Over the past 6 days, I have celebrated my parents 38th wedding anniversary, my 32nd birthday, taught 2 art lessons, camped in St. Mary's County, and thoroughly enjoyed existing. I read an interesting article today about addiction being a "choice," not a "disease." This may not seem to relate to anything I just said, but it got me thinking a lot about my anxiety and depression and how "choice" fits into so many categories of life. While I have to disagree that addiction is a choice, I do believe that we all make choices daily that affect the way our brain processes things. The more habitual the choices become, the harder it is to get out of your own way and change the choice that isn't working in your favor. I find that I get very caught up in my own negative web of thinking. I do have a predisposition to depression and anxiety. Bipolar disorder and manic depression have affected many of my family members and continue to do so today; however, the...

I have been having a rough week. I have chosen not to post for a few days because I needed to not flood the internet with negativity. I am still trying to get into a positive mindset and have been searching for a counselor. I don't think I am being successful at making it work on my own. I started off this morning with a fun stomach bug, but I was feeling a little better when I finally got out of bed at 8am so I met my grandparents for breakfast. It is always nice to spend time with them. I am blessed to live close enough to them that they've been an integral part of my life since I was little. Grandpa always has a little comic or article or something he has saved for me when I see him. It always makes me feel better to see them and know that they've been thinking about me. I hate that I don't get to spend more time with them, but I do treasure our Saturday morning breakfasts when I get to go. After that, I was supposed to have an art lesson. I had contacted the par...

I'm going to be 100% honest, I don't have a lot of good to say today. I had a really tough day and I am struggling with understanding how to make myself happy in the moment. Instead of turning this into a bitch-fest (which generally I would), I am going to focus on things that I am thankful for today. 1. I am thankful that I have a job that provides a paycheck with which I can pay my house, car, and other monthly bill payments. 2. I am thankful for a thoughtful husband who leaves me cards on the bathroom sink "just because" he knows I need some extra encouragement. 3. I am thankful that I have friends and coworkers who make me feel less alone in my daily struggles. 4. I am thankful for my planning period during the day. 5. I am thankful for my dog and cats who are always happy to see me no matter what. I think that's about all I can muster today. I didn't do much of anything for myself except buy a slice of chocolate cake at the grocery store on my way...