Type A
I am slowly starting to realize that maybe I am a Type A personality. I always thought of myself as pretty relaxed and laid back, but through my experience as a real estate agent, teacher, waitress, and multiple other jobs, I am noticing more and more that I want to be in control of everything. This causes me stress and it makes me freak out prematurely about little things. I actually think this is one thing that makes me a successful teacher: I am in control of my curriculum, my materials (within the limits of my budget at least), and the way I run my classroom. It is a lot harder for me to give up this control in my second job.
I have taught several large classes lately (30+ adults) and have not been in charge of tracing the canvases, gathering materials...in other words, I didn't have my hands in every step of the process. I realize that this stresses me out. It is no one else's fault but my own. I work with fabulous people who are on top of things and motivated and I have got to stop freaking out in my own head when I don't have control over everything.
I looked up character traits of Type A people. One was "time urgency and impatience." I am generally a very patient person, but am always very aware of time and how much of it I have to use up. I think that comes from having to be very structured and aware of time at school. Another was "strong achievement orientation." I am always trying to be "the best" at whatever it is that I'm doing. This causes a lot of stress on my part because if/when I make a mistake, I beat myself up about it relentlessly. I am also noticing that I have a TON of the physical symptoms of being Type A: facial tension, teeth grinding, dark circles under the eyes, and facial sweating (i.e. on the upper lip).
So why am I writing about all of this? Well, one thing I have been trying to consciously work on is giving up my control and just letting things happen. This is extremely difficult for me. I am currently working on Step 4 of Alanon, "Making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." I think this is something that everyone can benefit from. It is good to do a little soul searching and reflecting in order to become a better person. I want so badly to be a good, moral person who is willing to give up control to God and just let things happen as they are supposed to. I am working hard to "distinguish between what works in (my life) and what is no longer useful or necessary." This is going to take a while, but I am hoping to find some serenity in my life through this process. It will be a journey, but one that I am going to throw myself into wholeheartedly...and I am sure I will be sharing my revelations and struggles along the way if you're interested in reading about it.
I have taught several large classes lately (30+ adults) and have not been in charge of tracing the canvases, gathering materials...in other words, I didn't have my hands in every step of the process. I realize that this stresses me out. It is no one else's fault but my own. I work with fabulous people who are on top of things and motivated and I have got to stop freaking out in my own head when I don't have control over everything.
I looked up character traits of Type A people. One was "time urgency and impatience." I am generally a very patient person, but am always very aware of time and how much of it I have to use up. I think that comes from having to be very structured and aware of time at school. Another was "strong achievement orientation." I am always trying to be "the best" at whatever it is that I'm doing. This causes a lot of stress on my part because if/when I make a mistake, I beat myself up about it relentlessly. I am also noticing that I have a TON of the physical symptoms of being Type A: facial tension, teeth grinding, dark circles under the eyes, and facial sweating (i.e. on the upper lip).
So why am I writing about all of this? Well, one thing I have been trying to consciously work on is giving up my control and just letting things happen. This is extremely difficult for me. I am currently working on Step 4 of Alanon, "Making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." I think this is something that everyone can benefit from. It is good to do a little soul searching and reflecting in order to become a better person. I want so badly to be a good, moral person who is willing to give up control to God and just let things happen as they are supposed to. I am working hard to "distinguish between what works in (my life) and what is no longer useful or necessary." This is going to take a while, but I am hoping to find some serenity in my life through this process. It will be a journey, but one that I am going to throw myself into wholeheartedly...and I am sure I will be sharing my revelations and struggles along the way if you're interested in reading about it.
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