Stress Eating
I am feeling extremely disappointed in myself right now. I have been super stressed at work and I am totally eating my feelings. I used to be able to relieve stress by painting or walking or lots of other things, but I feel like I'm distracting myself with food. I KNOW that I should be working out or walking the dog or doing pretty much anything besides planting myself on my couch and snacking at night after work. I feel like I can't control myself.
Here's my conundrum - I have a paralyzing fear of becoming overweight or immobile or just not being a healthy adult. I realize that there are a ton of other things that I SHOULD be doing to prevent that from happening. I am consciously aware that devouring a quarter of a tray of brownies is only going to satisfy me for a minute before I beat myself up and feel guilty. I have been trying to "think positive" and "make small changes" and all of the other things that people tell you to do, but I'm struggling. I eat a healthy breakfast (usually cereal or a shake, and coffee) and for lunch I have a yogurt, a salad, or sandwich. The only thing is, I am famished when I get home and I don't feel like I have the energy to make a beautiful, healthy dinner, so I either don't eat or I eat whatever I can grab and scarf down quickly before grading or planning or trying to squeeze in a shower before my head hits the pillow. I don't have the time or the money to go grocery shopping regularly and I am working at least 6 days a week. Again, I realize that these are just excuses, but I cannot figure out why the hell I can't force myself to change!
I see other people doing it. I see the positive effect it has. I don't know what makes me so reluctant to change my habits. I want to let go of this idea that I am not enough. I know that I deserve to be happy and healthy, but I am not sure that deep down I really believe it. I am finally starting to be happy in my relationship again and looking forward to taking the next step; however, my financial situation and my career are really weighing heavily on me. I am in the process of applying for different jobs, but I just don't know what is going to help me feel fulfilled. I love teaching, but I find myself questioning whether it is worth the stress and the time. I know in my heart that I would miss the students terribly, but I also know that I have got to start taking care of myself and work on building a family myself. Ugh...I know that is not one of my more positive blog entries, but it has just been a frustrating couple of weeks. I am trying to hang in there, but it seems to get tougher instead of easier. I have been reciting the serenity prayer on repeat and praying for God to steer me in the right direction, but it is difficult to have patience. I have faith. I just want my situation to improve sooner rather than later.
Here's my conundrum - I have a paralyzing fear of becoming overweight or immobile or just not being a healthy adult. I realize that there are a ton of other things that I SHOULD be doing to prevent that from happening. I am consciously aware that devouring a quarter of a tray of brownies is only going to satisfy me for a minute before I beat myself up and feel guilty. I have been trying to "think positive" and "make small changes" and all of the other things that people tell you to do, but I'm struggling. I eat a healthy breakfast (usually cereal or a shake, and coffee) and for lunch I have a yogurt, a salad, or sandwich. The only thing is, I am famished when I get home and I don't feel like I have the energy to make a beautiful, healthy dinner, so I either don't eat or I eat whatever I can grab and scarf down quickly before grading or planning or trying to squeeze in a shower before my head hits the pillow. I don't have the time or the money to go grocery shopping regularly and I am working at least 6 days a week. Again, I realize that these are just excuses, but I cannot figure out why the hell I can't force myself to change!
I see other people doing it. I see the positive effect it has. I don't know what makes me so reluctant to change my habits. I want to let go of this idea that I am not enough. I know that I deserve to be happy and healthy, but I am not sure that deep down I really believe it. I am finally starting to be happy in my relationship again and looking forward to taking the next step; however, my financial situation and my career are really weighing heavily on me. I am in the process of applying for different jobs, but I just don't know what is going to help me feel fulfilled. I love teaching, but I find myself questioning whether it is worth the stress and the time. I know in my heart that I would miss the students terribly, but I also know that I have got to start taking care of myself and work on building a family myself. Ugh...I know that is not one of my more positive blog entries, but it has just been a frustrating couple of weeks. I am trying to hang in there, but it seems to get tougher instead of easier. I have been reciting the serenity prayer on repeat and praying for God to steer me in the right direction, but it is difficult to have patience. I have faith. I just want my situation to improve sooner rather than later.
Comments
Post a Comment