Insomnia, Second-Guessing...and Peace
So last night, I found myself wide awake at 1:30am with a million coaching-related thoughts running through my brain. I tried to breathe and shut it out, but it just didn't happen. I did what my Dad always told me helped him. I got up and wrote a "brain dump." I just wrote down everything that I was thinking about. I'm not sure that it made everything better, but it certainly calmed my stress and anxiety enough that I could go back to bed without tossing and turning every few minutes.
Being a teacher and coach is a stressful position to be in, especially toward the end of the school year. Over the past week or so, I have found myself second-guessing a lot of my decisions. I don't like to be in that place mentally; however, I am also self-critical by nature on top of being a people-pleaser, so I find myself overthinking everything most of the time. It's a blessing and a curse. On one hand I think it makes me a better person and a better employee. I hold myself to a high standard and I expect others to do the same. I care deeply about my job, my students, my family, my friends, my coworkers, etc. and I don't like to let anyone down. This is where I struggle with being a people-pleaser. You see, this track season has been especially difficult because of the rain. I just found out yesterday that our championship meet has been postponed yet again and the new date is the same day that I have my "gender reveal" and diagnostic ultrasound and my glucose test. These things are very important to me and because I have to see a specialist, I simply can't reschedule the appointment. This puts me in a tough position. I feel like I am letting down the kids and parents, but at the same time I know I have to focus on me sometimes too. I have been wrestling with this for the past 24 hours.
However, my day was made this morning when I received a thoughtful gift from our superintendent. We spoke yesterday and I was telling him about my dilemma. He sent me a onesie with our CCPS logo printed on the front. I can't even tell you how refreshing it is to have a leader who truly cares about his employees and makes a genuine effort to listen to our concerns. I feel a bit more at peace today about everything. I have to remind myself that I can't always be everything to everyone and I know that in less than 5 months, I will have to be everything to only one person...Baby Branch.
In that same vein, I have decided to apply for a supervisory role and have an interview coming up on Thursday. I want to be able to support my little one, myself, and my husband as best as I can. I would appreciate any positive thoughts you want to send my way as I prepare myself to nail my interview...and even if I don't get it, at least I know that I can find quite a bit of happiness being a teacher, coach, wife, and best of all...MOM later this year.
Being a teacher and coach is a stressful position to be in, especially toward the end of the school year. Over the past week or so, I have found myself second-guessing a lot of my decisions. I don't like to be in that place mentally; however, I am also self-critical by nature on top of being a people-pleaser, so I find myself overthinking everything most of the time. It's a blessing and a curse. On one hand I think it makes me a better person and a better employee. I hold myself to a high standard and I expect others to do the same. I care deeply about my job, my students, my family, my friends, my coworkers, etc. and I don't like to let anyone down. This is where I struggle with being a people-pleaser. You see, this track season has been especially difficult because of the rain. I just found out yesterday that our championship meet has been postponed yet again and the new date is the same day that I have my "gender reveal" and diagnostic ultrasound and my glucose test. These things are very important to me and because I have to see a specialist, I simply can't reschedule the appointment. This puts me in a tough position. I feel like I am letting down the kids and parents, but at the same time I know I have to focus on me sometimes too. I have been wrestling with this for the past 24 hours.
However, my day was made this morning when I received a thoughtful gift from our superintendent. We spoke yesterday and I was telling him about my dilemma. He sent me a onesie with our CCPS logo printed on the front. I can't even tell you how refreshing it is to have a leader who truly cares about his employees and makes a genuine effort to listen to our concerns. I feel a bit more at peace today about everything. I have to remind myself that I can't always be everything to everyone and I know that in less than 5 months, I will have to be everything to only one person...Baby Branch.
In that same vein, I have decided to apply for a supervisory role and have an interview coming up on Thursday. I want to be able to support my little one, myself, and my husband as best as I can. I would appreciate any positive thoughts you want to send my way as I prepare myself to nail my interview...and even if I don't get it, at least I know that I can find quite a bit of happiness being a teacher, coach, wife, and best of all...MOM later this year.
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