Love and Loss
Look back over the course of this blog, it seems that I write a lot when things are hard for me. I know that may not always be the happiest thing for people to read, but I process what I'm feeling much better through writing. I used to seek solace in drawing or artwork, but the past few years of my life, writing seems to satisfy my soul a bit more.
Today, I learned that a friend lost her teenage son. While I have absolutely no idea what the circumstances were, my heart just breaks for her and her family. My earliest memory of experiencing death was when two classmates of mine were killed in a car accident in high school. I have never understood why young lives are yanked away so quickly or in such horrific manners. I remember being angry and sad and confused that God could let something like this happen. The same feelings arose again later in my life when a close friend's sister was also killed in a car accident. Part of me still feels this way when I hear about someone losing a child. I know that whatever God's plan is in these situations, there is some bigger picture that I may never know about or understand, but I just feel a profound sense of connection to people who experience tragedy. I don't know why or how to explain it. I just feel like my heart aches for them and I wish there was a way for me to take away their pain.
I have been reading Eve Ensler's book In the Body of the World. She writes about her experiences overcoming incest, being arrested as a feminist and an activist, and most recently about her own encounter with mortality. She was diagnosed with uterine cancer, which is extremely ironic and sad for someone who has made such an amazing impact on the world when it comes to ending violence against women and making incredible strides to stop genital mutilation. Anyway, I am digressing...she had some beautiful thoughts about life and death that resounded with me today. She says" What if we embraced the messy, evolving, surprising, out-of-control happening that is life and reckoned with its proximity and relationship to death? What if, instead of being afraid of even talking about death, we saw our lives in some ways as a preparation for it? What if we were taught to ponder it and reflect on it and talk about it and enter it and rehearse it and try it on? What if our lives were precious only up to a point? What if we held them loosely and understood that there were no guarantees?...What if, rather than being cast out and defined by some terminal category, you were identified as someone in the middle of a transformation that could deepen your soul...when you were dying - you would be supported by and part of a community?"
Whenever someone experiences loss, it seems like the rest of us become speechless. It truly is difficult to know the right words to say or the right action to perform. I just hope that amidst all of the chaos in our world, we can find it in us to create a community that doesn't brush death under the rug. There has to be a better way to discuss it, process it, think about it, help our friends and community members handle it. I don't know, I feel a bit like my mind is racing and I don't know if it is all making sense. I just truly hope that those people that my life has touched that have experienced a loss of any kind can feel my prayers and my deep care for them. I want them to know that they are not alone and that they do have a community (or at least an individual) that is willing to listen or cry or scream or whatever it is that they need in order to get through this thing called life after death. I hope that if you are someone who's experienced loss and you're reading this, you can find the strength and peace in your life that you need to carry on and continue to make the world an amazing place. My heart and my soul are hugging you through cyberspace.
Today, I learned that a friend lost her teenage son. While I have absolutely no idea what the circumstances were, my heart just breaks for her and her family. My earliest memory of experiencing death was when two classmates of mine were killed in a car accident in high school. I have never understood why young lives are yanked away so quickly or in such horrific manners. I remember being angry and sad and confused that God could let something like this happen. The same feelings arose again later in my life when a close friend's sister was also killed in a car accident. Part of me still feels this way when I hear about someone losing a child. I know that whatever God's plan is in these situations, there is some bigger picture that I may never know about or understand, but I just feel a profound sense of connection to people who experience tragedy. I don't know why or how to explain it. I just feel like my heart aches for them and I wish there was a way for me to take away their pain.
I have been reading Eve Ensler's book In the Body of the World. She writes about her experiences overcoming incest, being arrested as a feminist and an activist, and most recently about her own encounter with mortality. She was diagnosed with uterine cancer, which is extremely ironic and sad for someone who has made such an amazing impact on the world when it comes to ending violence against women and making incredible strides to stop genital mutilation. Anyway, I am digressing...she had some beautiful thoughts about life and death that resounded with me today. She says" What if we embraced the messy, evolving, surprising, out-of-control happening that is life and reckoned with its proximity and relationship to death? What if, instead of being afraid of even talking about death, we saw our lives in some ways as a preparation for it? What if we were taught to ponder it and reflect on it and talk about it and enter it and rehearse it and try it on? What if our lives were precious only up to a point? What if we held them loosely and understood that there were no guarantees?...What if, rather than being cast out and defined by some terminal category, you were identified as someone in the middle of a transformation that could deepen your soul...when you were dying - you would be supported by and part of a community?"
Whenever someone experiences loss, it seems like the rest of us become speechless. It truly is difficult to know the right words to say or the right action to perform. I just hope that amidst all of the chaos in our world, we can find it in us to create a community that doesn't brush death under the rug. There has to be a better way to discuss it, process it, think about it, help our friends and community members handle it. I don't know, I feel a bit like my mind is racing and I don't know if it is all making sense. I just truly hope that those people that my life has touched that have experienced a loss of any kind can feel my prayers and my deep care for them. I want them to know that they are not alone and that they do have a community (or at least an individual) that is willing to listen or cry or scream or whatever it is that they need in order to get through this thing called life after death. I hope that if you are someone who's experienced loss and you're reading this, you can find the strength and peace in your life that you need to carry on and continue to make the world an amazing place. My heart and my soul are hugging you through cyberspace.
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