Dress remorse...or something like that...

Well, I had my first fitting today and I wish I could say it was perfect and amazing, but I just feel disappointed in myself. I really thought I would be thinner and feel better by now in the dress. Perhaps I have watched too many wedding shows, but everyone talks about having this feeling and just knowing that dress was meant for you...blah, blah, blah. I just don't feel like I've felt that way. I'm trying my best to be excited about wearing the dress, but it's just not happening. It's incredibly frustrating to have these doubts about myself and I don't want my insecurities to ruin the day for me or Ben. I always said that I would just have a small ceremony and then throw a big party. I feel like that's what I'm doing, but the dressing up part just doesn't feel like me. I have admired my beautiful friends and wanted that "bride" feeling. It's just not hitting me. I wish it was easier to see myself through other people's eyes. It's just hard to trust people telling you you're beautiful when they're your fiancee or they're related to you. I want to get past this mental block and just enjoy the fact that I get to spend the rest of my life with an amazing guy that loves me no matter what.

I'm sorry if this sounds like a pity party for myself, I'm just trying to work through this. I am also torn between keeping this dress on all night and feeling sweaty and uncomfortable and maybe investing in a second dress that is more comfortable and easier to dance in...or perhaps, like some of my friends suggested on Facebook, I should start a new trend of changing into jeans for the rest of the night! I just want to feel good about myself and enjoy my night with my soon-to-be husband and friends.

I know I still have two months to go and I can keep working out and doing what I've been doing to feel better, it's just really tough to deal with my self-esteem issues. Sorry for the negativity again, but thanks for reading and I appreciate any and all advice or experiences that you may have had before your big day.

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