A Quieter Mind

I am feeling much more like myself (I think I can say that-it's like Sarah 2.0) this week.  I met with my Dr. a week and a half ago and in the midst of balling my eyes out and trying to convey to her how I was feeling, she calmly told me that it is not my fault that I'm feeling so overwhelmed and stressed. Those of us who truly suffer from anxiety and depression cannot prevent those feelings rationally on our own. There is a chemical imbalance and I shouldn't feel bad about it. (Thank God for her!) We decided that my best course of action (regardless of trying to get pregnant) was to get back on some medicine. I can already feel a difference in my stress and energy levels. I hate admitting that I'm not strong enough to get through life without a bit of help from a pill, but it's the truth...and if it makes me feel more motivated and less out of control then I am going to have to accept it.

The baby business is still in the back of my mind, but I don't feel like it is hijacking my thoughts the way it was. I'm still not positive if I'm ovulating. I have a bit more blood work to do in order to determine whether I need to be placed on klomid (spelling??) or not; however, I feel like at least I have a direction. I know that even if all is not going perfectly, I have options. I can't stop hoping or being optimistic. I am thankful that I have found Women Ob/Gyn in Annapolis and I highly recommend them to any woman who is in need of excellent care.

On a lighter note, I have fallen a bit more in love with my job this quarter. It is so awesome to have my students come in and be so excited about art. They are motivated and really want to do well for themselves. I think I get too caught up in SLO's and paperwork sometimes that I forget that the real thing that matters is my students - the actual people sitting in front of me, not how they seem on paper. I truly could care less how my "data" looks. I want to know that at the end of the day, I have inspired my students to be better human beings and to have a passion for something. If they can come out of middle school art loving some part of being creative then I feel like I've succeeded.

I am glad that I have gone into November feeling more positive. I'm working on this 30 days of gratefulness idea and I am really starting to realize how fortunate I am. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, a decent job, people who love me, and a much sunnier outlook. Life is pretty good.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Weight, What?!

I am having a little conflict with myself lately. I am still 15 lbs away from what I weighed prior to having baby Aurora and this is frustrating me. However, if I am being completely honest with myself, I am not really doing anything about it. I am coming to the realization that I HATE summer. I don't hate being off work and I don't hate spending a lot of time with my daughter, but I HATE the heat and humidity. If I had the choice of going outside for a walk up and down the hills in my neighborhood while pushing the stroller or putting my hand in the oven for 30 seconds, I think I'd choose the latter. I am in a constant state of second-guessing myself. Do I put my 9 month old in the stroller slathered with sunscreen, in a hat that she hates and let her sweat it out so that I can get in some exercise or do we just stay inside and play? Staying inside and playing has most definitely been winning lately. We have been to the pool a few times, but this is not quite an aerobic ...
Read more

Is this the real life? Or is it fantasy?

These past few days have felt a bit like a dream. Everyone kept telling me that things would be a bit difficult after my D&C, but I kept trying to reassure myself that I would be fine. Truth is, it's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I feel okay for most of the day, but every now and then I just feel like crying. I'm sure it is because my hormones are a bit wacko right now, but that does not make it much easier. Lots of people are advising me to take this week off, but i feel like the more I sit home and think, the tougher it is. I need some routine back in my world. I have been trying so hard to stay positive and think forward and try to be optimistic. I'm just struggling with it. I am very happy that Spring break is coming up and Ben and I will be able to go to North Carolina for a few days and escape. Anyway, I don't want to be Debbie Downer. I'm just trying to work through all of this. Thanks again for taking the time out to read this.
Read more

First Workout Complete!

It might've only been an 18 minute toning workout, but I did it! I feel out of shape, but also proud of myself for getting it in; especially after all of the holiday indulging. This web site is fantastic for easy workouts: www.fitsugar.com. Looking forward to doing some more this week!
Read more