Mind, Body and Soul Manifestations

These past few days have felt a bit like a dream. Everyone kept telling me that things would be a bit difficult after my D&C, but I kept trying to reassure myself that I would be fine. Truth is, it's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I feel okay for most of the day, but every now and then I just feel like crying. I'm sure it is because my hormones are a bit wacko right now, but that does not make it much easier. Lots of people are advising me to take this week off, but i feel like the more I sit home and think, the tougher it is. I need some routine back in my world. I have been trying so hard to stay positive and think forward and try to be optimistic. I'm just struggling with it. I am very happy that Spring break is coming up and Ben and I will be able to go to North Carolina for a few days and escape. Anyway, I don't want to be Debbie Downer. I'm just trying to work through all of this. Thanks again for taking the time out to read this.

Well, I'm sure that most of you have seen my Facebook updates about my ordeal yesterday, but I figured I would share a little more information about it. It was a pretty scary, but I feel blessed to have had extremely attentive nurses and an incredibly supportive family there to help me out. I've had mixed emotions about this whole situation for the past week and I'm still feeling pretty confused and up and down about it, but I'm the most puzzled about why stuff like this keeps happening...Anyway, I digress... I got up early yesterday thinking that I would feel like I had some closure after all was said and done. It seemed that a D&C was a pretty routine thing and I would just be in and out. Well, that was not the case. I ended up losing a whole lot of blood during the procedure which caused my blood pressure and my red blood cell count to plummet. They made the decision to give me a blood transfusion. I was starting to feel better after my first unit and my leve...

This song has been on repeat in my head for the past few days. It's not exactly the same context, but I think the message is good. For those of you who didn't read my last blog, I am dealing with a blighted ovum and a miscarriage. You can read the previous post for more info. I had my appointment today to decide what my next steps were going to be. The appointment was tough because I had to wait about an hour to see the Dr. because he was delivering a baby and I sat in the waiting room watching all of these ladies with growing bellies pass through. It was hard, but I feel like God has answered my prayers for acceptance. The serenity prayer has been constantly going through my mind since last Wednesday. Although the past few days have been difficult, I have felt so overwhelmed, humbled, and comforted by all of the responses I got after posting my initial blog about everything. To those of you who shared your personal stories with me about miscarrying, still birth, and the oth...

At first, I wasn't sure if I wanted to post about this, but I think, for me at least, that it is cathartic to share my issues and get input from others on their own personal stories and situations. It just helps me cope. So...here it is. If you are friends with me on Facebook, I'm sure you've seen my somewhat vague posts about feeling a bit down this week. I recently found out that although I was pregnant for the past 9 weeks, I have what is called a "blighted ovum." This means that my body is/was pregnant, but while the sac is developing and growing, there is no embryo inside of it. I was pretty heartbroken to find this out. It is a really tough situation to know that you will miscarry or have to have a procedure done to have the life that you thought was developing taken out of you. That may sound dramatic or strange, but that is just how it feels to me. At first, I felt upset and sad and sorry for myself. (I feel like that's a pretty normal reaction to so...

I am sitting here watching this show...My Big Fat Fabulous Life on TLC. It is absolutely fantastic! I am completely in love with Whitney and her appreciation of her body. She weighs close to 400lbs...although I'm sure she's shrunk some since the show started. I love her passion and her drive and I am in total awe of the love that she has for herself. I have struggled myself, since I was in middle school, with body image. In the past few years it has really escalated because I've put on about 20lbs. The person that I see in pictures vs. the person I think I look like when I look in the mirror just don't match. I could make 5,000 excuses as to why this has happened...stress, lack of consistent exercise, not having the best diet...blah, blah blah. None of that matters. What matters is that I don't want to spend my life hating myself. I punish myself when I don't eat what I should and beat myself up when I don't exercise enough. That is not a way I want to liv...