Adjusting...
Well, I'm sure that most of you have seen my Facebook updates about my ordeal yesterday, but I figured I would share a little more information about it. It was a pretty scary, but I feel blessed to have had extremely attentive nurses and an incredibly supportive family there to help me out.
I've had mixed emotions about this whole situation for the past week and I'm still feeling pretty confused and up and down about it, but I'm the most puzzled about why stuff like this keeps happening...Anyway, I digress...
I got up early yesterday thinking that I would feel like I had some closure after all was said and done. It seemed that a D&C was a pretty routine thing and I would just be in and out. Well, that was not the case. I ended up losing a whole lot of blood during the procedure which caused my blood pressure and my red blood cell count to plummet. They made the decision to give me a blood transfusion. I was starting to feel better after my first unit and my levels were coming back up. Originally, my Dr and the nurses thought that I would be able to be discharged after that unit was finished. Thankfully, my parents were able to stop in and visit while I was recovering and I was starting to feel better. However, I got up to use the restroom and I was still feeling okay at first. I started to walk back to my room and called out to the nurse that I was feeling dizzy. Luckily, Ben was able to come down from work and happened to be in the hallway as I came out. Long story short, I passed out (Ben caught me) and needed to get another unit of blood and stay overnight so that they could monitor me. The nurses in the recovery center at Calvert Memorial Hospital were absolutely amazing. They were all so friendly and understanding and attentive. (Side note - If you are a nurse, are you allowed to accept flowers or edible arrangements or something from patients? I would really like to send them something for taking such good care of me.)
The hardest part of all of this was not the procedure or the transfusion. The hardest part was staying in the OB wing of the hospital and seeing all of the Moms and hearing all of the babies last night. I know that my surgery was "OB" in nature and, again, I was so well-taken care of, it was just really difficult to be there and not have a baby of my own. The nurses were so sweet and understanding and some of them even shared their own personal experiences with miscarrying. I just feel like there is something missing right now. I know that Ben and I do not NEED to have a child in order to be happy or fulfilled, but I have always wanted to be a Mom. I love kids and I have a huge longing to start a family. I am so happy for all of the friends and family members that I know having babies or going through pregnancies, but it just hurts so much to see it. I am trying so hard not to dwell on those feelings and to think forward, but it doesn't make the hurt go away. I just pray that my body will return to normal and that I can focus on being happy in my marriage and with my life the way that it is in the present.
Thank you all again for your prayers, support, offers for help, texts, and love. I highly recommend CMH for any surgeries that you need. I've heard so many negative things about our hospital and I just want to say that they are amazing and I feel extremely fortunate to have had my procedure there.
Anyway, I know that all of this stuff is not fun to talk about and I sometimes feel like an oversharer, but I greatly appreciate everyone who takes the time out to read it and respond. I wish God could let me know why this stuff is happening even after the prayers for positivity and everything else we've been through this past year, but I know there is a reason for it and I am just trying to make the best of it. If sharing all of this can at least help someone else, even slightly, then I know it's not all in vain. I am just going to try to adjust as best I can and get through this.
I've had mixed emotions about this whole situation for the past week and I'm still feeling pretty confused and up and down about it, but I'm the most puzzled about why stuff like this keeps happening...Anyway, I digress...
I got up early yesterday thinking that I would feel like I had some closure after all was said and done. It seemed that a D&C was a pretty routine thing and I would just be in and out. Well, that was not the case. I ended up losing a whole lot of blood during the procedure which caused my blood pressure and my red blood cell count to plummet. They made the decision to give me a blood transfusion. I was starting to feel better after my first unit and my levels were coming back up. Originally, my Dr and the nurses thought that I would be able to be discharged after that unit was finished. Thankfully, my parents were able to stop in and visit while I was recovering and I was starting to feel better. However, I got up to use the restroom and I was still feeling okay at first. I started to walk back to my room and called out to the nurse that I was feeling dizzy. Luckily, Ben was able to come down from work and happened to be in the hallway as I came out. Long story short, I passed out (Ben caught me) and needed to get another unit of blood and stay overnight so that they could monitor me. The nurses in the recovery center at Calvert Memorial Hospital were absolutely amazing. They were all so friendly and understanding and attentive. (Side note - If you are a nurse, are you allowed to accept flowers or edible arrangements or something from patients? I would really like to send them something for taking such good care of me.)
The hardest part of all of this was not the procedure or the transfusion. The hardest part was staying in the OB wing of the hospital and seeing all of the Moms and hearing all of the babies last night. I know that my surgery was "OB" in nature and, again, I was so well-taken care of, it was just really difficult to be there and not have a baby of my own. The nurses were so sweet and understanding and some of them even shared their own personal experiences with miscarrying. I just feel like there is something missing right now. I know that Ben and I do not NEED to have a child in order to be happy or fulfilled, but I have always wanted to be a Mom. I love kids and I have a huge longing to start a family. I am so happy for all of the friends and family members that I know having babies or going through pregnancies, but it just hurts so much to see it. I am trying so hard not to dwell on those feelings and to think forward, but it doesn't make the hurt go away. I just pray that my body will return to normal and that I can focus on being happy in my marriage and with my life the way that it is in the present.
Thank you all again for your prayers, support, offers for help, texts, and love. I highly recommend CMH for any surgeries that you need. I've heard so many negative things about our hospital and I just want to say that they are amazing and I feel extremely fortunate to have had my procedure there.
Anyway, I know that all of this stuff is not fun to talk about and I sometimes feel like an oversharer, but I greatly appreciate everyone who takes the time out to read it and respond. I wish God could let me know why this stuff is happening even after the prayers for positivity and everything else we've been through this past year, but I know there is a reason for it and I am just trying to make the best of it. If sharing all of this can at least help someone else, even slightly, then I know it's not all in vain. I am just going to try to adjust as best I can and get through this.
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