Mind, Body and Soul Manifestations

I have been struggling this weekend. I haven't gotten more than 6 hours of sleep any night this week and I know stress is the culprit. I finally felt able to relax last night, but as soon as I woke up this morning I felt like I was on the verge of tears again. I realize that my last post was about choosing to be happy and choosing to leave stress at work; however, my body just keeps betraying me. **Just a heads up that some of this may be TMI.** My mind has been trying to calm the rest of me, but it isn't working. I am really having a hard time this month about baby stuff. Not only did all of my ovulation tests come up negative this month, I am now not getting a period at all. This is NOT helping with my choice to try not to be stressed out. I am grinding my teeth, biting holes in my cheeks, getting frequent stomach aches, headaches, and generally feeling worn down. I feel like I may cry at the drop of a hat on a regular basis and I have been trying to make myself work out to...

Over the past 6 days, I have celebrated my parents 38th wedding anniversary, my 32nd birthday, taught 2 art lessons, camped in St. Mary's County, and thoroughly enjoyed existing. I read an interesting article today about addiction being a "choice," not a "disease." This may not seem to relate to anything I just said, but it got me thinking a lot about my anxiety and depression and how "choice" fits into so many categories of life. While I have to disagree that addiction is a choice, I do believe that we all make choices daily that affect the way our brain processes things. The more habitual the choices become, the harder it is to get out of your own way and change the choice that isn't working in your favor. I find that I get very caught up in my own negative web of thinking. I do have a predisposition to depression and anxiety. Bipolar disorder and manic depression have affected many of my family members and continue to do so today; however, the...

I have been having a rough week. I have chosen not to post for a few days because I needed to not flood the internet with negativity. I am still trying to get into a positive mindset and have been searching for a counselor. I don't think I am being successful at making it work on my own. I started off this morning with a fun stomach bug, but I was feeling a little better when I finally got out of bed at 8am so I met my grandparents for breakfast. It is always nice to spend time with them. I am blessed to live close enough to them that they've been an integral part of my life since I was little. Grandpa always has a little comic or article or something he has saved for me when I see him. It always makes me feel better to see them and know that they've been thinking about me. I hate that I don't get to spend more time with them, but I do treasure our Saturday morning breakfasts when I get to go. After that, I was supposed to have an art lesson. I had contacted the par...

I'm going to be 100% honest, I don't have a lot of good to say today. I had a really tough day and I am struggling with understanding how to make myself happy in the moment. Instead of turning this into a bitch-fest (which generally I would), I am going to focus on things that I am thankful for today. 1. I am thankful that I have a job that provides a paycheck with which I can pay my house, car, and other monthly bill payments. 2. I am thankful for a thoughtful husband who leaves me cards on the bathroom sink "just because" he knows I need some extra encouragement. 3. I am thankful that I have friends and coworkers who make me feel less alone in my daily struggles. 4. I am thankful for my planning period during the day. 5. I am thankful for my dog and cats who are always happy to see me no matter what. I think that's about all I can muster today. I didn't do much of anything for myself except buy a slice of chocolate cake at the grocery store on my way...

I just read an excellent quote on Pinterest. It says "The soul usually knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." I have no idea who said this, but I feel like this sums up my life. I am in a constant internal struggle about what fulfills me as a person and what my mind thinks I should do. Career wise, I am having a tough time right now. I love working with kids and teaching art. I just absolutely hate all of the hoops that I constantly have to jump through. During our advisory period today, I was able to sit and work with a small group of 5 students while they caught up on painting. It is so nice to just have conversations with my students and get to know them a little better. It's also nice to be able to answer their questions without being pulled in a million different directions. (It's a lot harder to do it in a class of almost 30 students, many of whom have multiple accommodations, which is normally the case.) THOSE are the moments ...

This morning I was able to sleep in. Even the animals didn't wake up until about 7am and they actually woke Ben up instead of me! They must know it's my month. :-) I finally got out of bed around 9 and decided to make breakfast for my awesome husband. We watched "Cutthroat Kitchen" the other night and they were tasked with making a German Apple Pancake. I had never heard of this, but it didn't look hard so I figured I would attempt it this morning. We currently have an abundance of apples, so it seemed logical. It was fairly easy and it turned out pretty good. I think I will chunk the apples instead of slicing them next time though. Prior to choosing to attend Frostburg State University and getting a teaching degree, I wanted to be a chef and go to cooking school. Part of me regrets not taking that path. I know that my schedule is generally much better than it would be had I gone into the restaurant business, but I have always loved cooking. I get it from my Dad...

Today, I started off with power yoga at 8am. I wish it was possible for me to do this practice every day. It gives me time to focus on my body and not get caught up in a bunch of yucky thoughts. Also, my Mom comes and it gives us time to catch up, AND our instructor plays Led Zeppelin, Motley Crue, and Stevie Ray Vaughan so that helps a whole lot too. Yoga really does make me happy and I need to force myself to make time for it. I always feel stronger and more relaxed when I do it. After that, I made the trek to Sykesville to celebrate the babies of two of my most favorite sorority sisters. I knew this was going to be tough, but I also really wanted to see them. I was happy that I went and proud of myself for making it through without any tears. I truly am thankful that they have had healthy pregnancies so far and I hope that their beautiful baby boys come when they're supposed to and are easy on their Mamas. I didn't want to make today about me, so I tried to focus on their ...

So, a wise lady in my life...also my yoga instructor...celebrates her birthday for the whole month. I have decided that since this is my birthday month, I am declaring it "Sartober." I am vowing to do at least one thing every day that makes me happy. I think it will keep my mind off of all of the negative stuff that I keep getting caught up in. I am going to try to blog about it each day so that I can truly focus on the positive things in my life. My smart and very encouraging godmother suggested that I do a mindfulness activity this month. I'm not sure that I will be disciplined enough to do that for 30 whole days, but I can definitely spend 30 days trying to be happier and more positive. Anyway, yesterday, I got to have dinner with my in-laws and sit and laugh with my husband. Hanging out with family almost always makes me feel better. I also have to admit that I'm like the Garbage song...I only am happy when it rains. I love thunderstorms and gray days. Fall is m...