Sartober 15th to 21st
Over the past 6 days, I have celebrated my parents 38th wedding anniversary, my 32nd birthday, taught 2 art lessons, camped in St. Mary's County, and thoroughly enjoyed existing. I read an interesting article today about addiction being a "choice," not a "disease." This may not seem to relate to anything I just said, but it got me thinking a lot about my anxiety and depression and how "choice" fits into so many categories of life.
While I have to disagree that addiction is a choice, I do believe that we all make choices daily that affect the way our brain processes things. The more habitual the choices become, the harder it is to get out of your own way and change the choice that isn't working in your favor. I find that I get very caught up in my own negative web of thinking. I do have a predisposition to depression and anxiety. Bipolar disorder and manic depression have affected many of my family members and continue to do so today; however, the past 6 days have reminded me that even when I feel stuck in a rut or unable to physically get out of bed and accomplish whatever the day throws at me, I have to me mindful of my choice. I need to make a concerted effort to choose to push the negative thoughts aside and try to focus on the positive. This is not an easy task. Just as it is not easy for an addict to simply choose not to drink or not to shoot up or not to take another pill, it isn't easy to retrain your brain's daily (negative) way of thinking. Life is not an easy task, but we all have a choice to make the best of it, make the worst of it, or give up. I have to try to keep focusing on making the best of it.
I got to spend quality time with my parents and my husband this weekend. I realize that I need to start making a choice to leave work at work and be more present at my house. My salary is enough to cover the bills, but it isn't getting any larger and I don't need to devote more time to something that isn't fulfilling me when I have plenty of family and friends that do make me feel blessed and happy on a regular basis if I just let them. I took a personal day on Monday and skipped my professional development. I felt slightly guilty about this at first, but I know that I work hard every day to be the best teacher that I can and missing one day out of the 190 I spend at school is not going to hurt me or my students in the long run. I have to take care of myself so that I can be better for my husband, my students, my friends, my family, and even my pets. (And making homemade pumpkin scones and staying in your pajamas until 1pm would make anyone happy!)
Stress and worry have always nagged me. I still struggle with this on a daily basis, but I am trying to be more aware of how I am reacting to stress. I don't want to keep waking myself up at night and driving myself nuts. I don't want to keep obsessing about things I can't control. It doesn't make it easy to put it out of my mind, but I know I need to take a minute and refocus my brain.
I had the pleasure of teaching 2 art lessons in the past 6 days. It always makes my soul happy to help someone else find a hobby that fills their life with purpose or joy. I also got to go camping with my husband this weekend. Sometimes I forget how much I love to be outside. I spent a lot of my childhood on girl scout camping trips with my Mom and sister. I also spent a summer living and working outside at a girls scout camp. That part of my will always be happy in a tent by the water whether it is hot or cold. I am thankful that I got to spend the weekend reconnecting to that part of myself and that I got to spend quality time with my husband too.
Anyway, I think I may be rambling. I hope that whatever choices you make today or moving forward, they help keep you happy and feeling like you have a purpose. I will leave you with a Prince quote "Electric word life. It means forever and that's a mighty long time. But, I'm here to tell you there's something else...cause in this life, things are much harder than the after world. In this life, you're on your own. And when the elevator tries to bring you down, go crazy and punch a higher floor!"
While I have to disagree that addiction is a choice, I do believe that we all make choices daily that affect the way our brain processes things. The more habitual the choices become, the harder it is to get out of your own way and change the choice that isn't working in your favor. I find that I get very caught up in my own negative web of thinking. I do have a predisposition to depression and anxiety. Bipolar disorder and manic depression have affected many of my family members and continue to do so today; however, the past 6 days have reminded me that even when I feel stuck in a rut or unable to physically get out of bed and accomplish whatever the day throws at me, I have to me mindful of my choice. I need to make a concerted effort to choose to push the negative thoughts aside and try to focus on the positive. This is not an easy task. Just as it is not easy for an addict to simply choose not to drink or not to shoot up or not to take another pill, it isn't easy to retrain your brain's daily (negative) way of thinking. Life is not an easy task, but we all have a choice to make the best of it, make the worst of it, or give up. I have to try to keep focusing on making the best of it.
I got to spend quality time with my parents and my husband this weekend. I realize that I need to start making a choice to leave work at work and be more present at my house. My salary is enough to cover the bills, but it isn't getting any larger and I don't need to devote more time to something that isn't fulfilling me when I have plenty of family and friends that do make me feel blessed and happy on a regular basis if I just let them. I took a personal day on Monday and skipped my professional development. I felt slightly guilty about this at first, but I know that I work hard every day to be the best teacher that I can and missing one day out of the 190 I spend at school is not going to hurt me or my students in the long run. I have to take care of myself so that I can be better for my husband, my students, my friends, my family, and even my pets. (And making homemade pumpkin scones and staying in your pajamas until 1pm would make anyone happy!)
Stress and worry have always nagged me. I still struggle with this on a daily basis, but I am trying to be more aware of how I am reacting to stress. I don't want to keep waking myself up at night and driving myself nuts. I don't want to keep obsessing about things I can't control. It doesn't make it easy to put it out of my mind, but I know I need to take a minute and refocus my brain.
I had the pleasure of teaching 2 art lessons in the past 6 days. It always makes my soul happy to help someone else find a hobby that fills their life with purpose or joy. I also got to go camping with my husband this weekend. Sometimes I forget how much I love to be outside. I spent a lot of my childhood on girl scout camping trips with my Mom and sister. I also spent a summer living and working outside at a girls scout camp. That part of my will always be happy in a tent by the water whether it is hot or cold. I am thankful that I got to spend the weekend reconnecting to that part of myself and that I got to spend quality time with my husband too.
Anyway, I think I may be rambling. I hope that whatever choices you make today or moving forward, they help keep you happy and feeling like you have a purpose. I will leave you with a Prince quote "Electric word life. It means forever and that's a mighty long time. But, I'm here to tell you there's something else...cause in this life, things are much harder than the after world. In this life, you're on your own. And when the elevator tries to bring you down, go crazy and punch a higher floor!"
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