Trudging Through
Well, I think I've made a mistake. It was stupid of me to think that I could talk to him on the phone and everything would just be fine if we saw each other in person. Wrong. Part of me just wants to scream, "THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!" However, I know that it won't get us anywhere and that would be the teenager reaction. I am trying my hardest to act like a somewhat mature 30-year old. Love is such a confusing, crazy emotion. You spend your time trying so hard not to hurt the ones you love and you forget to protect yourself. The more I try not to hurt others, the more I end up suffering. I guess I just need to accept the fact that I cannot go through life pleasing everyone. I've got to do what is best for myself. I suppose right now that means I truly need to cut ties and deal with my own stuff.
It might sound awful, but I have always hated that verse from Corinthians about love - everyone always reads it at weddings. You know the one:
"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
This verse has always frustrated me. I guess maybe I have just never truly experienced authentic romantic love. There have been three times in my life that I thought I had, but I've never felt like love was always patient or kind or any of those things. As humans, we all get caught up in the negative emotions and sometimes no matter how much you love someone, you must make hard decisions about what is best for both of you. I don't even know if what I'm writing makes sense tonight. I just feel like I have so many thoughts running through my mind all the time and if I don't get them down on paper (or screen) I won't be able to make sense of them at all. I am very much looking forward to Winter Break and I hope that I can spend some time soul-searching and hanging out with my friends and family. Anyway, thanks again for stopping by to read this. To those of you who have responded to me privately or publicly, I appreciate you. I just want to be able to share my inner thoughts and feelings with you in hopes that we can all help each other through this crazy thing called life.
It might sound awful, but I have always hated that verse from Corinthians about love - everyone always reads it at weddings. You know the one:
"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
This verse has always frustrated me. I guess maybe I have just never truly experienced authentic romantic love. There have been three times in my life that I thought I had, but I've never felt like love was always patient or kind or any of those things. As humans, we all get caught up in the negative emotions and sometimes no matter how much you love someone, you must make hard decisions about what is best for both of you. I don't even know if what I'm writing makes sense tonight. I just feel like I have so many thoughts running through my mind all the time and if I don't get them down on paper (or screen) I won't be able to make sense of them at all. I am very much looking forward to Winter Break and I hope that I can spend some time soul-searching and hanging out with my friends and family. Anyway, thanks again for stopping by to read this. To those of you who have responded to me privately or publicly, I appreciate you. I just want to be able to share my inner thoughts and feelings with you in hopes that we can all help each other through this crazy thing called life.
Comments
Post a Comment