Vows

I just read an interesting article (blog?) about "secondhand love." Here it is. I believe that I have experienced this both ways: first choosing someone else to be my secondhand love and then being someone else's second choice. However, my most recent relationship feels like it is real, all-consuming love. I don't know how many of you have seen the movie What Dreams May Come, but it's an amazing film that has always stuck with me. First of all, it shows that love can overcome even death. It also addresses the idea of soul-mates. Even though the husband, Chris, is killed in a tragic accident, he watches over his wife and he never gives up on her. It's a beautiful film and if you haven't seen it, you should check it out.

Anyway, all of this lead me to thinking about the vows that I began writing to Ben before our wedding. I want to share them with you all. I am praying that 2014 will bring health and happiness to both of us and I honestly meant every word that I wrote down on this paper (or computer screen as it were). You can't just take these things back. I said them to him when he was in the hospital and I hope that he still carries these words with him. I love him more than I could ever express and I just want what is best for him...and for me. So, without further ado, here they are:

Ben Branch, I have never met another man as amazing, patient and loving as you have been over the past 5 years. You truly are my best friend and I am so honored to be your wife. I promise to honor you, be patient with you (no matter how many guitars you may bring home) and like you for as long as I live. I promise to encourage you, inspire you and love you truly through good times and bad. I will forever be there to lift you up when you are down, laugh with you and to be enthusiastic through all our adventures in life together. I do not expect perfection from you and I do not wish to change anything about you. I promise to love you just as you are and work through the challenges that life will surely throw at us. I promise to keep dreaming with you and working toward achieving our goals. I promise to be loyal to you and to give you all that I am capable of giving. I believe that everything in my life has led me to you. My heartbreaks, my regrets and my experiences all seem worth it because if I had done one thing differently, I might never have bumped into you at the Scalped parking lot and begun this amazing journey. I love you with every fiber of my being and I promise to hold your hand, laugh at your jokes, snuggle on the couch, look into your eyes and kiss your lips for every moment that I am able. When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. I am so happy that it will be starting with you. I love you and I like you for the rest of our lives together.

Like I said, when you're prepared to say these things to each other and truly promise them, you can't just undo it in your heart or your mind. Although these times might not be the best, I am looking forward to restarting and "dating" again. These words will always be in my heart and I pray that one day I will get to say them to him, not in a hospital room or on a computer screen, but in a beautiful dress surrounded by our family and friends. I want to emphasize the part I wrote about not expecting perfection. I think that from the time we are children and even more when we are adults, we expect that love and marriage should be these perfect entities. I think that idea just sets us up for failure. We are human. We are, by nature, imperfect creatures. I think that love can overcome a lot of imperfections. I guess I'm just not ready to give up on these vows or my relationship. It will take some time to build it back up, but I think that both of us are ready to put in the work. I hope you find someone that you can love, with all of their imperfections. Wishing all of you a happy new year and a prosperous 2014!