Mind, Body and Soul Manifestations

I just read an interesting article (blog?) about "secondhand love." Here  it is. I believe that I have experienced this both ways: first choosing someone else to be my secondhand love and then being someone else's second choice. However, my most recent relationship feels like it is real, all-consuming love. I don't know how many of you have seen the movie What Dreams May Come, but it's an amazing film that has always stuck with me. First of all, it shows that love can overcome even death. It also addresses the idea of soul-mates. Even though the husband, Chris, is killed in a tragic accident, he watches over his wife and he never gives up on her. It's a beautiful film and if you haven't seen it, you should check it out. Anyway, all of this lead me to thinking about the vows that I began writing to Ben before our wedding. I want to share them with you all. I am praying that 2014 will bring health and happiness to both of us and I honestly meant every word...

Well, I was sitting here diligently working on my "Internship Summary Paper" and also watching Rachael Ray. It happens to be an episode about her and her friends. They just mentioned how they met through men and that some of the men "went away" and they stayed friends. I couldn't help but reminisce about my own girlfriends. I really do have some of the best. This was a conversation I also had with my mentees last weekend. As 7th graders, they have a lot of drama about boys and friendships. We talked about how no matter how many boys come and go, you should always value your girlfriends. They are there for you no matter what. Sometimes you make really awful mistakes and there are hard times, but when you have true friends, they will stick by your side no matter what. I am very lucky to have several friends that have been in my life for 20+ years. It's awesome. I want to devote this blog to them. My first and very best friend is April. She and I have been fr...

I hope you've all had a wonderful Christmas. I have been very blessed to be able to spend time with my family and see my nephew be super-pumped about Santa and baby Jesus. He sang Happy Birthday with a Santa candle to baby Jesus. It was adorable. Now, I am sitting at home watching Martin Short on SNL singing about it being the "sexiest time of the year." It is certainly amusing and ironic... I can tell it's Christmas because I have successfully eaten my way through the day and now I feel like I need a pair of sweatpants. I am noticing more and more how much we all try to put on this facade that we have perfect families without any problems and we try not to talk about the hard stuff we've been through or the issues we are dealing with. I heard a really great quote on the radio the other day. Carlos Santana saw a news story about his former conga player being homeless and going through some addiction problems. The quote was, "sometimes we have family or frie...

Admittedly, this was probably not the smartest choice of a movie for me to watch on a Saturday night alone, but alas, I did...and here we are. It's a great movie and in a way, it gives me hope. While I'm not sure what the future holds for Ben and I, I am sure that I can't just tell my heart to shut up. I have had other relationships that I thought would result in marriage, but this one truly seemed like it was it. It still does. I pray every day and night that God will help guide me in the direction that I'm supposed to go. It is just incredibly hard to have patience. I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and I'm trying to keep the faith that I will find happiness sooner rather than later. I know several ladies that I would consider good friends who did not find their soul mate until they were well into their 40's. If that is how long it takes to find happiness, then I will just have to wait. Anyway, there was only so much portfolio editing and pape...

Well, I think I've made a mistake. It was stupid of me to think that I could talk to him on the phone and everything would just be fine if we saw each other in person. Wrong. Part of me just wants to scream, "THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!" However, I know that it won't get us anywhere and that would be the teenager reaction. I am trying my hardest to act like a somewhat mature 30-year old. Love is such a confusing, crazy emotion. You spend your time trying so hard not to hurt the ones you love and you forget to protect yourself. The more I try not to hurt others, the more I end up suffering. I guess I just need to accept the fact that I cannot go through life pleasing everyone. I've got to do what is best for myself. I suppose right now that means I truly need to cut ties and deal with my own stuff. It might sound awful, but I have always hated that verse from Corinthians about love - everyone always reads it at weddings. You know the one: "4 Love is patient, love...

Well, I have tried since September to set up a counseling appointment with multiple venues in Calvert County. I FINALLY got an appointment for this evening only to have it cancelled and now I can't get in to see anyone until January. Here comes the rant: How is this country supposed to help take care of our mental health issues if the health professionals are not available or overloaded? This is an issue that has been close to me since I was younger. I've suffered with my own issues, but also watched family members suffer through manic depression and various other degrees of depression. I have decided that since I can't see someone to discuss all of my thoughts, I'd just share them with you guys. Feedback is good therapy, so feel free to give me your two cents. All of the changes that have happened over the past week have been sudden and unwanted. I feel sad and frustrated, but I also feel very in love with a person that I can't help. I feel like I have always fal...

I feel a bit lost in thought today. I had to shadow a Dean today for a graduate school assignment. This kept my mind occupied for a while, but coming home to an empty house is hard. Thank goodness for my sister, nephew, and Max. They created a distraction for a while as well. Right now, however, I just can't stop thinking about the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." It is a sad movie, but an intriguing concept. Would I go back and erase my memories of past relationships if I could? I wish that I could erase the awful things from my previous relationships...the sneaking around, the lying, the fighting; but, then how would I have learned anything from those mistakes or situations? It is nice to think that if you didn't go through all of the pain, your life would be better, but pain does help us grow. Although I am right in the middle of it all, I am still struggling with what I want out of life. My brain is running wild with thoughts. Ultimately, I wish that...

I have had to make one of the hardest decisions of my entire life this weekend. I have decided to call off my wedding and part ways with my fiancee. I realize that from the outside looking in this might seem confusing and strange; however, I think it is important to understand that you never truly know what people are going through even when you are close to them. We used to have a saying in our sorority "From the outside looking in you can never understand it and from the inside looking out you can never explain it." This is the truest statement that I can think of in my current situation. All I know is that it is so hard to love someone with all of your heart and see them hurting because they do not love themselves the way that they should. It is heartbreaking. Now that I am 30 and have had my heart broken a few times, I think it is easier to understand that in order to experience love to the fullest degree possible, you truly have to love yourself. I didn't always kn...

This poem has been on my mind lately. Perhaps it is because I am 30 and my nephew just had his third birthday party, but I just love this poem and I wanted to share. It's an array of happy thoughts and a great reminder to cherish the things that you love to do, no matter how simple they may be. Warning When I am an old woman I shall wear purple With a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me. And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter. I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells And run my stick along the public railings And make up for the sobriety of my youth. I shall go out in the slippers in the rain And pick the flowers in other people's gardens And learn to spit. You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat And eat three pounds of sausages at a go Or only bread and pickle for a week And hoard pens and pencils and beer...

I have the Talking Heads stuck in my head this morning. Do you ever wake up and think, Is this real life? Am I really 30 and dealing with all of this? Today is one of those days...I always knew life was going to be challenging, but this past year has been one of the most challenging of all. It is second only to the year that I got my heart broken, my Mom had a heart attack and our family dog had to be put to sleep. 2008 kind of sucked as well. I'm glad we only have two months left of 2013. I am ready for some new beginnings. I always thought by now that I would have a husband and a family of my own, but life has really thrown me some curve balls. It's true that even the best laid plans don't work out the way that you want them to. I am trying so hard to be strong and give things up to God, but that is a difficult thing to do as well. I pray constantly throughout the day and I hope that God is listening. I know that no matter how much I want things to work out, he has a plan...

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed this week, but I'm trying to work through it. I knew that completing my Masters degree was not going to be a walk in the part, but I really added a lot of stress when I decided to switch jobs the same year that Common Core Standards, SLO's and my fiance was hospitalized all simultaneously. Luckily, Ben is doing well...everything else is crazy busy! I have a lot to do for this internship and I feel incredibly behind. I keep trying to squeeze in more meetings or more observations, but when I spend 4 hours on Sunday grading artwork and not even getting an ounce of planning done for the week, I can't seem to figure out when to add in those extra 160 hours that I need to accomplish by December! I know it will all fall into place, it just seems daunting right now. Aside from all of the grad school and job business, I am starting to feel like I'm growing up and not trying to be such a people-pleaser all the time. I've been doing a lot ...

I realized today that I have less than 30 days before I turn 30 years old. My birthday is October 16th. This means I have approximately 28 days to accomplish some goals that I've been toying with. That just doesn't seem like enough time. I've decided to create a 30 before 31 list instead. Here it goes: 1. Pay for someone's coffee behind me at Starbucks. 2. Send a handwritten note to a friend at least once per month. 3. Brush up on my Spanish. 4. Run a half marathon. 5. Go Camping. 6. Visit a new state. 7. Go to the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum. 8. Finger paint with my nephew. 9. Watch The Passion of the Christ. 10. Go meatless for a week. 11. Take an art class for pleasure, not for teaching. 12. Read "Life in Times of Cholera." 13. Dine at an upscale DC restaurant. 14. Go on a hike. 15. Take a day trip to NYC. 16. Eat at Serendipity. 17. Ride on a Ferris Wheel. 18. Volunteer at the Humane Society. 19. Try stand-up paddleboarding. 20. Learn h...

As most of you probably know by now, Ben is going through some pretty serious health issues. As a result of this, we have decided to postpone our wedding so that he can take some time to heal and we can get married when things slow down a bit. This has all given me a lot of perspective. I have started truly prioritizing. I realized that over the past few years I have gotten so caught up in work and making money and figuring out how to lose weight that I have neglected the things that are truly important. As you've seen me discuss before, mental and emotional health are something that I care deeply about. I realized that I have been neglecting my own mental and emotional health lately. I think I am finally seeing clearly now that I need to spend more time focusing on my family, my blessings, my friends and the things that I enjoy in life rather than trying to change the imperfections. I am starting to understand that I need to let go of some of the control I've tried to have a...

Well, I had my first fitting today and I wish I could say it was perfect and amazing, but I just feel disappointed in myself. I really thought I would be thinner and feel better by now in the dress. Perhaps I have watched too many wedding shows, but everyone talks about having this feeling and just knowing that dress was meant for you...blah, blah, blah. I just don't feel like I've felt that way. I'm trying my best to be excited about wearing the dress, but it's just not happening. It's incredibly frustrating to have these doubts about myself and I don't want my insecurities to ruin the day for me or Ben. I always said that I would just have a small ceremony and then throw a big party. I feel like that's what I'm doing, but the dressing up part just doesn't feel like me. I have admired my beautiful friends and wanted that "bride" feeling. It's just not hitting me. I wish it was easier to see myself through other people's eyes. It...

I'm finally starting to notice the results of my hard work. I know that I had lost inches and lbs before, but my clothes are actually starting to feel a little loose! It makes me so happy to finally be able to feel the results of all of this. I have to be honest, my eating habits have not been perfect, but I think that the working out is definitely helping me to stay on track. The only problem I'm having is that now I need some new clothes and money is a bit of an issue. Oh well, that's a good problem to have :-) I'll just throw on a belt and go with it! I can't wait to try on my wedding dress again to see if I need to get it taken in. That would definitely be another confidence booster. I hope all of you are trying to keep yourselves healthy as well!

Well, our last day of school for the 2012-2013 school year was yesterday. I am somewhat relieved to be done with this year, but am also feeling a little bummed that I'm still working and taking classes this summer. I know I will have more time to myself and more time to concentrate on my school work, so that's good I suppose. Summers were so much more fun when my friends were also off or around! Speaking of friends, according to my Dr, I need to do more social things to improve my mood. So...any of you guys who also find yourself with some "free time," feel free to hit me up. The hard thing is trying to be social without spending money. Any of you who would like to work out together or take a hike together or do anything other than eat or drink at a restaurant, let's make a date! I definitely do think that I will miss the social aspect of working out with my trainer. It's nice to have someone to motivate you and chat with you while you're working out. It...

It's been quite a while since I've had time to post! I've been so busy with teaching, working part time, giving art lessons and grad school that I haven't had much time to breathe. I have, however, been keeping up with my training. My trainer is awesome and she has really helped me stay accountable and motivated. I found out that she will be leaving me in 3 weeks for Florida...permanently! While my wallet will be happy, I will have to find a way to keep up with my workouts and be accountable to myself. I believe that if I write down when I will work out in my planner, like I have with my training sessions, I can do it! I am so happy that school is ending soon for the summer...well, for 2 months anyway. I will be taking classes, but at least I will generally have my days free to work out and eat healthy! I've lost 1 inch off of my abdomen and 1 inch off of my thighs since starting. According to my scale, I have lost about 3 pounds. I'm hoping to get the official ...

I know I haven't posted in a while. I'm not sure if you missed me or not, but I feel like I need to address an issue I've been pondering. I keep seeing and hearing about all of these weight loss solutions: Weight Watchers, Isogenix, HerbaLife...I could go on. I have seen so many people have amazing results with these methods, but I just can't help but wonder what happens when/if you stop. I'm seeing amazing before and after pictures and I can't help but wonder if I switched out my grilled chicken for vegetable-based protein shakes at dinner if I'd be doing myself a favor; but, that's just not reality for me. I have never been able to stick to something that limits what I eat. I never could stick to weight watchers because it was too much trouble to account for every single morsel of food and calculate points for improvised recipes. I have not been perfect at tracking what I'm eating lately, but I've also been insanely busy. (Class ends this Wedne...

I'm finally starting to notice a change in myself this week. I had my first weigh-in with my trainer today and I am happy to say that I have lost a little over a pound AND 2.6lbs of body fat! That was the biggest goal...to lose the fat! When someone tells you that your body is 41% body fat, that is terrifying. (It's even scarier to share it with all of you; however, I think it's an important thing to know about yourself and I can honestly say that I am making changes to improve this factor in my life.) In 6 sessions of personal training and 3 weeks of working out, I have dropped 1% body fat and 1lb. While that is slower than I'd like, I'm just happy to see some progress! I know this weekend will be a challenge because Ben and I are going out of town and it's Easter, but I'm going to try to make good choices food-wise and squeeze in workouts when I can. I'm praying for nice weather so I can get outside! I can't wait until next week because I'm off...

So, today Ben and I went to Bob Evans for breakfast with my family and then did a "Taste of Solomons" this afternoon. I picked what I thought were healthy choices: a garden harvest omelette full of veggies (which I only ate half of), home fries (only ate half of these too), coffee...but the biscuits were what did me in. Who knew those things were almost 300 calories a piece! Yikes! (I'm not gonna lie though, they tasted amazing.) Then, at the Solomons restaurants, the "Tastes" were small portions and I didn't think I was consuming too many calories. I've been trying to keep my calories at or under 2,000 per day. I definitely went over a bit. However, I do remember that when you don't know exactly what goes into things, it's super hard to estimate calories. Today was the first "free" day I've had in weeks, so I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I just have to keep in mind that I should keep eating out to a minimum and try t...

I know it's been a while since I've posted. Life has been pretty hectic! I know I don't have kids and I'm not married yet, but working 2 jobs, giving art lessons and trying to finish my Masters program are sucking up most of my time. I have been committed to my trainer at the gym though. I've done about 4 workouts with her so far and I've managed to squeeze in a few on my own. I'm noticing a shift in my thinking since I've actually stuck with my workouts. Before, when I got home from work or school I would snack or have a cocktail and I didn't put much thought into what I was eating for dinner. While I'm by no means "perfect" in my eating habits, I think I'm improving. I'm trying really hard to actually think about what I'm putting in my mouth. I don't want to ruin all of the hard work I'm doing at the gym. I'm also motivated by my wedding and my other friends who seem to be shrinking or continuing on a healthier...

So, a few weeks ago I fell down my parent's steps. I didn't think I hurt myself because I just ended up with a  massive bruise on my behind and some slight discomfort in my lower back. That went away, but for the past couple of weeks I have had a lot of pain in my right foot. In between my second and third toe and the outside edge of my foot have been extremely sore. I tried propping it up, only using the exercise bike instead of the elliptical or treadmill, soaking it in Epsom salts and not wearing heels. None of it seemed to be making much difference so I went to the Dr's today. He x-rayed it and tested it out and determined that I have a neuroma. I guess I pinched a nerve in there somewhere. This means that for 3 weeks I can't do any "pounding" on my foot. This means, no treadmill or elliptical and I have to be careful what shoes I'm wearing. IT seems like I am constantly taking one step forward and two steps back! Literally, exactly one year ago, I inj...

Well, I have really fallen off the wagon the last couple of weeks. I have not been in a good place mentally and that is majorly affecting my eating habits and my working out. I woke up this morning with a snow day and am trying to get a better handle on things. I have an appointment with a personal trainer tonight at 5:15 and am hoping that once I talk to her, I will be more motivated to keep up with all of this. She was also in physical therapy before she got her personal training certificate so I'm hoping she can help me with my ankle and knee issues as well. One another note, I got to talk to my Godmother on Saturday. I was expressing to her how I felt overwhelmed and I wasn't sure I could handle all of my jobs and grad school and planning the wedding. She stopped me and said, "Wait, what kind of woman are you?...a strong one! You can handle anything." I think I had lost sight of that. I think about when I was working 4 jobs and living with my parents to try and ...

I would just like to thank the two gentlemen who, as they exited the liquor store and passed by me on my way in to the grocery store were gawking at me and said to one another, "Now that girl got a butt!" Not only did it make me laugh, it gave me a little perspective. I have been in a self-loathing phase for a while and was feeling rather down on myself this morning. Sometimes I forget that not everyone wants a stick-thin, Gwenyth Paltrow-type. There are people out there who appreciate curves. (Thank God for those people!) Also, I had just come from the gym where I had to get off of my machine just 15 minutes in because my ankles were killing me. I was quite flustered and although the comment might not have been intended for me to hear, it certainly made me feel better. I need to remember that being "thick" is not such a terrible thing. Although I'm still taking this weight loss stuff one day at a time, it helps to keep in mind that I'm not a disgusting mess...

I have kind of fallen off the wagon this week/weekend. I was a little off last week because my schedule was nuts, but I had managed to do yoga in the mornings. However, this weekend I ended up with a head cold that knocked me on my ass! I had zero energy to do anything but sleep. My Mom and Ben told me I needed to take care of myself and rest, so that's what I did. I did go back to work today, but am still feeling pretty terrible. Everyone that I've talked to says that whatever this stupid cold is, it does not go away quickly! Anyway, I went from being bedridden to walking around all day in dress pants...so now I have this wonderful chafing happening on my thighs. Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook know that my loving fiance proudly googled "fat thighs" to prove to me that mine are not "fat," but let me tell you that chafing certainly does not make one feel thin. I have not figured out why this phenomenon has started happening, but I am really ...

In my best Ice Cube voice, "Today was a good day." I have been waking up a half an hour earlier this week to do a morning yoga practice every day. (I know it's only been 3 days, but that's a good track record for me so far!) It's amazing the difference it makes in my day. Although I certainly have not been stress-free, today was the first day I felt positive and more at peace with myself. I'm taking baby steps toward feeling better and becoming healthier and a yoga practice every morning is definitely a step in the right direction! I'm not beating myself up about my imperfect calorie goals this week. I'm just going to be happy that I made one major positive change that I KNOW I can stick with. :-)

The past couple of weeks have been rough. I took a step back to reflect on what has been holding me back from sticking to my work outs and healthy eating habits. I know that one factor is that I've switched anti-depressants. I have only been on the new one for about a week. My system always takes a minute to get to feeling like itself again after adjusting medications. I've got to stop beating myself up about it and just try to push through. Stress at work has definitely been a factor, but I've got to keep working on leaving work at work. I get so caught up sometimes in what is happening at my job that it's all I can think about. I have to find other things to occupy my time when I get home. This past weekend I got to hang out with some friends I hadn't seen in quite a while. It was really good to catch up. I think that's another thing I've been missing. I'm trying to do all of this on my own. I forget to reach out to my friends. I'm always worried...

I am noticing a pattern here. Every single time I feel stressed at work, my eating habits go completely haywire! I'm trying to correct it, but it's getting tougher and tougher to stay motivated when I'm not happy in my job. It seems to be affecting all aspects of life at the moment. I'm not sleeping well which is just making me crave caffeine and sweets! (I normally crave salty foods, but stress seems to make me the opposite.) I have been trying to get it out at the gym, but I feel so wiped out all the time and I don't know if exercise is helping or hurting! I just feel pretty overwhelmed about a lot of things right now. I'm hoping to change my job situation next year, but the waiting is tough. I'm reading a book called "Nurtureshock" right now. It's a very interesting research-based book about how we're raising kids and how we can improve it. Obviously I'm not a parent, but being a teacher, it's quite interesting. I just read about...

I know I said before that weight is just a number, and it is; however, I am pretty pumped that I FINALLY shed a pound! It might not seem like much, but I'm thankful that my calorie counting and workout attempts are at least doing some good. I visited my sister and her family in NC this weekend, so I sort of fell off the wagon as far as calorie counting and being consistent in working out, but I got back on today. I haven't been eating great this week, but I'm trying to at least keep it under 2000 calories and I stepped up my working out today. I did 40 minutes on the bike on the "random hill" setting. It was challenging, but I felt a lot better after completing it. I am still working on trying to fit in snacks and remember to pack things. Yesterday was a staff development day at work and I ate well for breakfast (oatmeal with fruit and a nonfat latte), then had a granola bar before heading to my meetings at noon. I forgot to bring my lunch in with me, so I just...

My motivation and I need to have a chat. I'm not sure where she disappeared to, but I sure hope she comes back soon. I was all set to go to the gym this afternoon and when I get there, I realize I have forgotten my socks, iPod and a hair tie. I sweat, A LOT and going to the gym without something to pull my hair back is just a pain in the ass! I don't know if I'm subconsciously trying to sabotage myself or what! On Monday I forgot to pack my shoes! I forced myself to get on the stationary bike hoping that I wouldn't be too uncomfortable, but it was so squeaky I couldn't handle it. Without my iPod to drown out the other sounds of the gym it was very hard to focus on my workout. There were no other bikes available so I switched to an elliptical. The first one I got on was making strange noises as well and I felt a bit lopsided on it. I switched to yet another and after about 12 minutes, I couldn't stand it any more! Normally when I get on the machine and get into a...

I think I have to shift my thinking a little this week. I had a bit of meltdown on Saturday when after a week of making good choices, not splurging and trying really hard to work out, etc., I did not lose a single pound. I then had date night with Ben and ate entirely too many calories...and had a few too many blackberry martinis. I got back on track yesterday and today though. I'm watching The Biggest Loser and after seeing some of the contestants melt down about how awful they feel about themselves and their lives, I'm trying to give myself some more perspective. This journey is not about a number. It's not about the size of my pants or the number on the scale, it's more about being healthy. I do not want to look in the mirror 20 years from now and say "Why did you let yourself go?" I want to be able to have kids, be a good role model AND have a healthy self-esteem. I don't want to blow my whole week just because I'm angry that the scale didn't b...

I'm really struggling today with trying not to eat everything in sight! It has been a very stressful week at work and today, even working out is not helping me feel satisfied. I want chocolate and the 2 Ghirardelli squares I allowed myself are NOT doing anything to make the craving go away. I drank some peppermint tea, have been guzzling water...and I can't get chocolate out of my head. I keep replaying the Joan Jett song "I Hate Myself for Loving You" over and over in my head about chocolate! (It really has been one of those weeks.) I'm going to push through this and keep reminding myself that the swim I took earlier and the good choices I'm trying to make when eating are going to pay off...it's just really flipping hard to take things one day at a time this week...

Thank goodness for the gym and Florence and the Machine today! It was a super-rough day at school. For those of you who are educators, today was the first day I had to use my CPI training...not something I thought I'd have to do. I was very stressed and somewhat shaken up after work. Normally, I would grab a bottle of wine, go home, sit on the couch and veg out with Maximus. Well, today I made a much better choice. I knew I needed to relieve the stress, so I hauled myself to the gym and did 35 hard minutes on the bike at an uphill climb. I felt so much better afterward. I cranked up Florence and the Machine and got it done. I also did not get that bottle of wine. :-) I'm trying to keep myself hydrated and on top of things instead of wallowing in my sorrows or self-medicating. On another note, I've been comparing notes with a friend who is also trying to lose weight. It really does help to have a buddy! One tip I loved was pre-hardboiling a bunch of eggs for the week. Her ...

Quote I just heard from the Dr. on Biggest Loser, "If I told you that you were dying from lymphoma, would you take two hours out of your day for chemo?" Contestant: "Yes," Dr.: "Well, you're dying of being overweight. So..." If that's not perspective I don't know what is! Getting my ass off of the couch and doing a kettleball workout while watching the show!

So, weekends are my weakness. I have absolutely no will power when it comes to the weekend. I'm working two jobs, so when I actually get free time, I have this sense of wanting to be lazy and indulgent. I know I need to fix that mindset, but it's going to take a while. I face-painted at a friend's daughter's birthday party on Saturday and managed to avoid cake and pizza, but I did indulge in some chips and dip: only one handful and about 2 tablespoons of dip. However, I tried to balance it out a bit by eating some grapes. Then we got to Sunday...I started off well. I had to work, so I made some pancakes (with skim milk) and had a green smoothie. Then, I had an Odwalla bar for lunch. I was feeling good. However, it was the Redskins playoff game last night and I completely overindulged in fatty foods. My parents came over and we had chicken wings, fried oysters and oysters wrapped in bacon with cheese. While all of this was incredibly delicious, I know it did not do much ...

So I am proud of my lunch decisions once again today. Some wonderfully generous person left almost an entire cheesecake in our teacher's lounge today that was for everyone to share. I sat right in front of it with my usual lunch ladies. I told Melissa, one of my colleagues, that cheesecake is a weakness of mine and it was very tempting. She said to me "Don't do it Sarah! It's a new year!" That was exactly what I needed to hear. I thought to myself, will cheesecake make me feel more beautiful in my wedding dress 10 months from now? NOPE! So, I ate my half of a turkey sandwich and two clementines and was pretty satisfied...while inhaling the cheesecake mind you! At least I can say that I beat the cheesecake! It did not win! :-P Also, I dragged my butt to the gym today! I only did about 20 minutes on the elliptical before my ankle started bothering me too much, but 20 minutes is certainly better than no minutes! I'm still keeping up with my exercises during the...

Today was a bit of a wash. I did not eat poorly, but I didn't exercise either. I'm feeling pretty yucky today. I'm trying to figure out why I keep getting headaches and feeling nauseous. I have a Dr's appointment on Friday to get checked out. Recently, I had to go to the ER for dizziness and a really horrible headache. I decided to check into the medical information about my prescriptions. A few of the side effects were listed as those symptoms I was experiencing. The Dr's at the ER told me I had a tension headache and was experiencing some vertigo as a result. I was also very dehydrated. Some IV fluids and anti-seasickness meds helped, but again, I am really hoping that these healthy changes I'm making will help me get off of medication and feel better overall. Now to discuss the title of the post: Gertrude. I was watching the news when I came home from work and there was a 101 year old woman named Gertrude who is still able to ride her bike and run on the tr...